Vacation anyone?

Why do people seem to know how to make things difficult. I decided that in the summer I am going to take a trip somewhere and not tell anyone where I am going. I think a nice vacation could do me a world of good. I wont have to worry about school or work or my family and friends. It will be awesome. It will be a great summer. I have no boyfriend to tie me down and I can have a little fun. Why have I not thought of this sooner?

Weird Phase...

So I decided that I am going through a really weird phase. Danny is trying to help me out of it but I really want to go back like a year or two. I miss my friends and I miss my life from back then. I was looking at pictures and I used to have so much fun, I was gone every night with my friends or boyfriend. I feel like I messed everything up and I want to go back and fix it all. I am in a weird place in my life. I either want to go back or just go forward and be in the fun part of life. Where im done with school and working and engaged and just having a blast and loving my life would be really nice. eh I dont really know what to do about it. I miss when I was happy. Im trying to be happy but growing up is not easy. I kind of want my mom and Rob to get married because well two reasons. one my mom is happy. two I would live in Robs house and it would be really good for me to be out on my own. I would love it!! I kinda hope that happens because i feel like im stuck being a child and I really dont want to be. I want to be an adult who can do it all on her own. I dont know what i would do during nursing school but i want to do it. My mom should not have told me about it. I have nothing against mom, thats not why im moving out (I hope) I just dont want to be a child anymore. I know that comes with its struggles but i want them. I have to take care of myself.
The foam party was maybe not a good thing to go to. I loved it at first it was so much fun! I loved the dancing and stuff it was so fun but then all the drunk people came out and it got kinda scary. I like was flippin out because of this situation with this one guy. I was like freaked out so bad danny was like kelsie its ok. I so am not the party kid. not at all..... Oh well i like my mormon status and my conservative ways. I dont understand how people can be diffrent. I am not the greatest mormon for sure but hey im trying. I do mess up but learn from it. I just dont enjoy the party kid life. I dunno.
So I decied that i am like totally attracted to guys who drive motorcycles.. they are so hot.. I used to hate them but not i like flippin love them. there is something sexy about it.

Fun Times!

Well first week of school always brings the jitters but this semester is ten times worse! There are so many nice people ( guys) up at school! This semester will be so much fun!! Nanny tomorrow, Foam party friday, and Date on Saturday! whooooo being social! Thanks to my fabulous friend Danny we are going to actually be social! I enjoy college as of this week!

Bad news was i had money stolen from my account..... that was not so fun but at least i caught it fast and am in the process of getting the money back into my new account. That makes me breathe a little easier.

Debating on if i should write a friend or not.. im not sure on why im so freaked out to do it because he was my best friend. Ahhhhh I dont know. Crap i suck haha

Dear Weber State,

I hate you! I dont know how anyone can register when they are not higher on the food chain. I have like 5 classes and still dont have 12 credit hours! You suck Seniors!!! Also your "helpers" dont do anything! all he did was tell me to take math! yeah right with Psych, PE, English, and a computer class? your rediculous i would never pass that! stupid stupid man! AHHHHHHHHHH! I cant wait to be a flippin senior because they i get what i want!

stupid weber......

Big date tonight. I have been waiting for this for years! so excited. I just hope it keeps up this way!

Ya know what would be really awesome? If men could read our minds! They are so clueless as to what we really think. Maybe they would actually get the picture for once. I think if some guy ever did something sweet like get me flowers or sent me a letter i would fall over dead. I mean ya it has its down falls but hey it would be kinda nice to have a guy that knew what you wanted and actually was not self centered! What a novel idea right?! To bad it wont actually happen. I think the men in this age need to really step it up! bring back the gentleman theory! The open car doors, bring you flowers, write you a sweet letter, surprise you will a visit at work or something. Any guy reading this statement would say so a sissy?but i think men are so scared to lose that macho image that they wouldn't do it. well i have news for you. Girls like that kind of deal. The sensitive guy who listens to you that's rare and i think more guys should try for that.
I don't know that i want to see into men's brains though. I think that it would be interesting for sure, but i don't know if i would like what i saw. I don't want to pass judgement and say all men are dirty thinkers but if i could skip over that part and really get what men are i think it would be totally fascinating! I think that men and women misunderstand each other and i would love insight to them.

The Blessing!

Well tomorrow is the day... Finally!!! haha no im not engaged its not that big but I get my blessing tomorrow! Im kinda scared and nervous because what if God knows im not meant for big things. Maybe who knows. I wish i could share this with the person who made it happen. As friends that is. Guess its just little old me with the big man tomorrow.

Man I know God has my back!

Alright so I have a rather cool story. It happened last week I think. So I am at work with my mom( not actually working there tho yay!) I was studying for my huge biology test! My mom walks in with tears pooling in her eyes. I ask her what is going on and she pulls out this little mound of money. Well it just so happens that this was 1000 dollars. This man walked up to my mom and said I feel inclined to give this to you and I'm not sure why. He hands her the thousand dollars! OK so not only did this man not really know my mom but he had tears in his eyes as he gave her the money. Turns out this man is a very successful business man and has a lot of money. As my mom is telling me what happened I am crying and in shock. I know who is behind this, its not the kind man who gave us the money. Its Christ. So the last few nights before this happened I was praying for help because my mom was extremely short on money and didn't know if we could pay the house bill. It was stressing me out and so i prayed that we would be OK and find the solution. Well our house payment is 1,000 dollars. I know most people say this is chance but I say it was so much more than that. I never really thought that God or anyone was listening to me. Not because he was not there but because he was busy or something. Well I don't think this anymore. I am so thankful for this man and the blessing he gave to my family. There are still angels out there.
On a different note that amazing feeling was lost by my younger sister stealing my debit card on our sisters day outing and her taking almost $70 off of my debit card. Not the most fun feeling to think that your sister stole from you. I didn't really want to believe it at all. I was angry yes, still angry. I feel bad tho for her because she does not care that she killed her sisters trust in her or ever the closeness between us. We have never been close and I have been trying really hard to do things with her and be better with her. Well things like this make it almost impossible. I still don't know what to do with this yet. I am hurt and angry still so I'm trying to leave it be.
I got an 85% on a really hard biology test that i thought i was going to completely fail! that made me feel pretty good. I was mad because I looked at the ones I got wrong and I flippin knew them! I changed the answer! so maddening! Oh well its still not to bad of a test score. I am really ready to be done with mating of Bacteria! oh my it's so lame. I want to get into my Art History class!!!!!!!! I am an art freak and cant wait! its before and after Christ so I'm really excited! I even sent out my application for nursing! ah! so life is not always roses but there is good stuff going on to!

I actually like the Singles Ward lessons! Makes you think

I was thinking today about Christ and it really dawned on me of how great the sacrifice he made. I know I am not perfect in any way shape or form and I have done some pretty stupid things in my 19 years and some are worse than others. In relief society on Sunday we were talking about repentance. I am not very educated in it so I found it a great lesson. I couldn't help but think wow people say all the time that Christ knows what we are going through; well it really hit me as I was thinking about the lesson that he has suffered so much and he really does know exactly how I feel on something that's bothering me. It really blows my mind to think there is one person who truly understands how I feel. It makes me feel bad that maybe if I had not commit ed that sin maybe Christ would have felt a little less anguish. It makes me never want to do something that would ever hurt him. It made me feel extremely close to our savior and I'm so glad that i went to that lesson. I have been thinking a lot about the church this last few weeks and question i had was; everyone on earth accepted the plan that Christ purposed because well they simply are here on earth. Well i wonder if we knew what our lives were going to entail to a degree. Like Hitler is a good example. Did he realize he would come down and murder people. I know we have our free agency and so maybe he didn't. I want to know if we chose to have our lives be the way they are. I kind of think we had some idea as to what it would be like. We didn't care how bad it was down here because up there we saw the entire picture and it was so worth it to come down here that no matter the trial or situation we signed up. I often sit and complain about how my life is so hard and such but this really made me think. I knew what i was doing in heaven and didn't care because I had so much faith in my father in heaven that i said OK it will be hard but I'm doing it! I know that i don't know a lot about the scriptures and everything there is to know about the gospel but things like that really help your testimony grow. Its pretty much amazing. Very humbling. This week has been pretty good I would say.

Quite possibly the best week EVER!

Ya know life is a weird thing. Im sure i have said that many times on here but it never ceases to amaze me. I was thinking about last year around this same time i graduated from high school. Weird to think its already been a year. Funny how time flys. I am not going to lie i hope the next few years go by just as fast. I would like to get out of this fun little stage of my life where your just so weird because your not on your own yet but you want to be so badly you cant taste it! But its not in the cards you were delt.... shoot. I think that it would be nice to be in nursing school already and actually working on what i want to do with my life. That would be AWESOME! This last week has been really, whats the word...... confusing and utterly crazy. I found out some interesting things this week that i cant help but question. But on the up side Sarah and i had our girls day! got our toes done and went shopping and i loved it! love my sister time! sleep over and all! making up for lost time?! Crazy weird nights with Danny haha she is crazy but i love her! saw Priest but we snuck in a cookie from Fat Cats haha skill right there. But we were pretty hyper and it was like only 11 so we went to weber state and just had a blast! we were dancing and singing and just having so much fun up in a dark empty campus... or so we thought haha till the group of boys show up when we are dancing like fools in the fountain! haha good times! I cant complain of life right now. Its pretty dang crazy haha i like this kind of crazy i have to admit! Hazzah to the crazy white girls!!!

I just recieved word from an old professor that the paper i wrote him was one of the best in the semester. He thanked me for sharing my story with him and told me he hopes that the story lives up to its ending. Makes me feel good! see break ups can do good things haha Thank you Spencer for giving me the perfect story!

Attention Drama Queens!!.... or Kings....

So in the midst of cleaning my room i came across a box. A Box that is locked and pretended to be forgotten. Well today i open that box. Bad idea. Its funny how stupid little trinkets and papers and things remind you of apart of your life you didnt want to give up but were forced to. Shoot I feel like i don't even remember that and it makes me really sad. Its used to be so normal and now its so utterly forign.
You know whats annoying; boys asking you to marry them. I know that sounds really mean but if its not the one you want its just annoying. I like really dread those words! I just i know i am not ready to be married; maybe if it were the right guy but like i feel as though I am not ready for it. V and i were discussing this the other day and I really am not ok with this. Why does everyone and there dog want to get married at 18 years old! for some its the right way but i dont think its for me. I would love to be married once i can be independant and not have to rely on a man to support me. I know this seems wrong but guys leave you have to be able to do it alone if you have to. Thats my logic on this. So stop with the question!!!! you know who you are.
Guys just a word of advice... girls dont like to be treated like crap. They dont like being strug around and used. if you want to lose someone you just do it because sooner or later she will dump your sorry butt and find someone who really can treat a girl right. This week i really wanted to say this because of the stinkin drama everyone else has! I realize i kinda didnt get this either but hey you live and you learn right? oh my favorite thing i heard this week is girls are just objects there for us to mess with and throw away... sir you will never be married! i hope that you end up with cats!!! thats right cats!
Now people who are good with life your awesome! people who have drama well please dont come to me! I decided i have enough of it in my life and i am cleaning all the unnessisary drama out. so you give me drama your cut by the way! Uplifting people your welcome to stay because thats so dang awesome! this is all.....

i want to go back to yesteryear.... life was less complicated then.. it was but it wasnt.

Little Miss by Sugarland lyrics + download link HQ/HD

I love how Elder Braydon Richins can still make me cry with songs even like on the other side of the United States.... Oh boy love him but dang haha

Secondhand Serenade - It's not over

its funny how music can like speak to you. There is this song and i love it but the words make me want to throw up because of who it reminds me of. Yet i cant stop listening to it.... Weird.... Music is an enemy a little

Great week! and hey what? no boys

I love learning new things! well sometimes.... I dislike when people tell me things that i really did not need to know! ehem Van...... But I decided that life gets a little better today. guys make me laugh! Its funny i have been in a relationship where my world revolved around him and well thats not the way to go unless you plan on it lasting forever... hehe but now that i am dating a few guys at a time man they dont like it! I have had two people ask me to marry them for real and man it just feels good to control it! I am my own woman:D oh yeah baby. I like to be the one who says eh i think i want to hang with my friends tonight and i will see you whenever. I think this way you dont get hurt. i am a ok with that one. But this week has been great! I hung out with V, Rams, and Dugan the other day and we had a MJ dance party and we just had a blast! I was so dang hyper! Dugan and i were dancing around like retards and singing as loud as possible! Then I hung out with Sarah and took her to breakfast! so fun I love that girl! i got to hang out with Suz the rest of the day and man do i love that woman she is just funny! We saw Sarah and Nathan go off to a dance and Sarah was hot! haha sorry sar had to do it. I Got to hang out with v and Alex! just like in the old days! we watched watcher in the woods! haha and our 6th grade play oh man i was retarded! good week!

Adam Turner, newest member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints!!!

Today was a wonderful day! My dear Friend Adam Turner finally got baptised! It was so amazing. Tears in everyone's eyes because we know that Adam has made the right choice and he waited for this day so long! I have been fortunate to have a few good friends in life and Kip Corry and Adam Turner are two of the best. Kip baptised Adam today and I thought the world of him for being one of the few young men i know who can do such a great work of God. Good for you Kip! He and i got baptised together and have been friends for a long time and i have to say seeing him in all white he looked the best i have ever seen him. I'm so proud of my boys! I have to say that today really opened so many eyes it was great to hear Bishop Ben speak, no matter how many people are in the room or what he is talking about he makes it feel like that is what you had to hear. That man i swear has a gift, he has saved me from lots of things and i have gone to him in my darkest moments and he still was a friend to me and helped me see the light. Today was a Wonderful day! I'm so proud of you Adam! The long wait is over and you are now pure and clean. I am so glad that you chose this. You will have a great life if you keep on this path and ya its extremely hard and no one is perfect but remember that no Latter day Saint is perfect, being a true Latter day Saint means giving it your best and trying to be more like Christ. We love you so much Adam, I'm extremely proud!You helped me realize somthing i needed to know. Congrats Adam!!

This dang paper makes my head spin!

I was assigned to write on my theory of love and my first or most true love. Not the best time to write this paper but hey. I wont put it on here but in doing my research i found out a few things and found some quotes that scare me because its like it came from my lips! if you read this and know me you will understand it and be just as freaked out

• I finally understood what true love meant.......love meant that you care for another persons happiness more than you're own, no matter how painful the choices you might face be.

ok well maybe its a bad idea to put them up here but gosh that one is sadly true. Funny how this stupid paper has made me think. I kinda dont like it because it brings up a lot of things that still hurt and ache. It brings back memories that seem as though they were only yesterday and it brings the person who has changed me forever. Funny how when your a little girl you dream of love and you think that every love story has a happy ever after. not being a downer but its a point in my paper. he asks us if we believe in love and you have to fight for your opinion and love is one of those things that can either ruin your life and in the end take you under or it can be a wonderful thing that may have ended but it taught you something. I didnt know that you could ever put your life on hold and give up everything just for one person to be happy. I thought you fell in love and it just was there and most likely he would leave you or cheat on you. Well guys do leave but In dating my "Noah" i saw that there really was a thing as true undieing love. not from him but from his Mom and Dad. Crazy how two people really can love each other for all eternity. It makes you want to find that person who you can do that with. I beleive that there is someone for everyone. I pray that anyways. Life sure has a funny way of showing you things.... funny how love can either make you so blissfully happy or it can crush you. It makes me want to know the ending and it drives me crazy! to bad you have to find out for yourself in Gods time. Its hard to put things in his hands like that.

Nightmares why wont you die!?!

So its like 3 a.m. and im kinda getting really really sick of the nightmares. I dont know what causes them but they are getting worse... The one thing that always made them go away well i cant do that and it sucks. I would like to just be normal and be able to sleep. I want to be healthy! I remember the days when i got to sleep... good times. wonder if they will come back or if i will just never sleep. I have read 5 books this week because it takes my mind off the scared feeling when i wake but ya know im starting to look like well like crap. Not ok with that. I would like to say to God at this moment in time that i think i have been tested to much without sleep. I need a good month of sleep. Its kind of adding to the already bigger issues. My brain is really twisted i dont know where its getting the dreams from but it needs to stop. i know things happen in the lords time but on this one i dont feel its fair. I put my biggest desire into his hands already and i have a feeling it wont be on my time so can i please have this one? Till then i guess waking up screaming and crying is in the stack.....

I really miss my Sarah

Life...Singing while showering buddies and Crap

If we take a step back and look at life its usually not something we would have planned for ourselves. I was talking to a very dear friend of mine and we were kind of complaining about life and all the crap that has been thrown at us; well as we did this, as we call "suck fest" I thought ya know Mike we have had a lot of crap I said but think about it for a moment, did it teach you something? he thought about it and said ya i guess it did. Well there you go ladies and gents! Problem solved... Not that when i get in that " I hate my life mode" i think of this but another friend of mine taught me something where you kinda take the back seat and let in the world around you for a minute and it kinda freaks you out and your grateful for the crap you have! ha ha. Its crazy how things change in the blink of an eye; I never would have thought i would be playing mommy again while my parents do whatever they feel like. Its not easy. I feel like i have to step up to the plate for both of my parents and be what they are not. I think to myself wow your 18 years old and what have you got to show for it? your family? a deeply failed relationship which your retarded about!! and a semester of college and CNA down. man that's just sad! ha ha. So Mike and I decided to put away the my life sucks card and try to be happy. Not that we are good at it.... if you know me you know im highly dramatic. One second i can be totally happy and fine then the next I am listening to Secondhand Serenade crying over things i should be used to by now... working on it... but hey that's helped with a serving of crazy which i cant help so that's my excuse. Not much in my life is normal... actually nothing is. My mom is dating when im supost to be and i cant because of two reasons but its driving me nuts! My dad is just dad and the twins well they have their days. I decided that i am going to in the summer try to go to Paris, Italy, England, and Rome with a friend who is just as crazy about the history as i am. Maybe my adventure will start there... well if i can afford it ha that's the down part of this fun part of life. I will most likely be stuck here in Utah as a CNA... eh far from the beauties of Paris and Rome. I love elderly people but come on! i got some music lessons from one of my buddies at the nursing home tho and he may just get me through the summer. He says i need to learn to sing for my man. Ha ha we sing Phantom of the Opera when we are showering him point of no return has become a fun song to sing with him! He told me that the way to a mans heart is music. He seems to think i am getting better in my duet with him. I think he is just a bad A! his voice is gorgeous! so my sad little crackle sounds bad next to him! But I don't sing to boys... its scary so well that kinda shot my chances lol I think i sang to two boys one is like my brother the other well lets say it worked for a little bit if Richard is right... hahahahahahaha I love elderly people they rock! there was this woman and she has dementia and she will ask you what the weather is every other sentence and i love her! she tells me the best stories from her childhood, the other day she told me my hands were damn cold and i need to wear her jacket and obey her haha love it! i don't know where i was going with that but uh....... i guess i should shut up this is kinda longer than i thought it would be....

Evanescence - Going Under