This is going to be interesting because I'm mad and hurt so look out. I HATE CANCER!!!!! cancer needs to get cancer and die because it keeps taking good loving people!! It makes me sick! it splits families, it hurts people and nothing good comes from it! why do good people have to die so young! there are millions of low life's and mean ,evil people who live till they are old and then a good man who is an inspiration to so many ,who has a loving family and has affected so many peoples lives has to go so early. i know that its life and that its how things work but that does not mean that i have to like it one bit! call this a break down but that's today! I hate when bad things happen to good people. its not fair and ya life is not fair but still.
I miss my best friend and I'm driving myself crazy trying to even let it be a semblance of normal. i have not slept and i cant eat a lot because i worry to the point of making myself sick. I cant fix anything at home. i can continue to be the hated one i don't really care anymore. that just keeps kicking me in the gut. I know that i don't have it totally bad. there are so many things to be thankful for. I just am having a melt down. I want my life to be what i want it to be but i cant even get close to it because there is always something getting in the way. I cant be the daughter my parents want even if my mom Denys that, i know that i still have the other two who think i suck and don't do anything right. I pretty much have to give that up because i have dealt with it since i was like 4 years old and ya know you can only get slapped in the face so many times. I am not a good sister because they hate me. I cant even talk to Alyssa because she just hates me and i cant do anything for Austin. Kaden and Braxton don't care. I feel like i cant do anything right. I have The Sprouls and bless them they are a heaven sent to me. They don't know how much they have taught me or have helped me. Sarah is like a sister to me i love her to death! we are pretty crazy but i love her to death. Suz man she keeps me going, she is so amazing she can talk to me and make me want to just buck it up and do things my way to make it better for me some days. i could go through the entire family for real. Mayfan ha love that little guy he is awesome! keeps me laughing. Bren helps a lot ha he tells me to do things for me and blow a bunch of money on me haha Jim, he changed me a lot. i did not get to know him for long but gosh he helped me in a lot of ways. He always had a joke for me even if he was way sick. he wow he is amazing. Spencer haha well love him to death he is an amazing man he will say he is not but he has changed my life. church is back because of him and he brought me home haha he may regret that one but i think God for Spencer every night. He drives me crazy some days and i miss him but he has really made me who i am. he may roll his eyes but he is truly amazing. He will never understand how much i think of him how highly i think of him if you will because well he is humble and will say ya right but i cant really express it to him. Its been a blessing that i met him that day at work. who would have thought.
I have to say i am thankful for my mom tho. most days we wanna kill each other but she is a good mom. she has been though a lot of crap and she drives me nuts but she is trying to help me and make me into a better person. Its not easy being a single mom and she does a pretty good job.
well now that i pretty much just threw up all my issues i feel a litte better. its not even all of them but dang. sorry if you had to read all of that im a sissy.
kelsie, dear, you are an amazing person no matter what you think. im glad you came into my life too. you may not have the perfect family you want now, but when you marry and have kids of your own you will have what you want. you are an angel that God has sent to me and my family. you keep me sane and a least make me laugh a lot. you are my dearest friend and sister. you try, and that's all that God cares about. you are becoming a wise young woman. take care in what you say and do to people; for that can be your glory or downfall. you need to understand and forgive all those who have wronged you. for who are you to judge? stay positive about life and you will be fine. stay true to your studies in school and the church. you're probably crying, so know that its okay to cry, to break down, and just fall apart. but then you need to take a breath and get back up. know that you are not alone. call upon God, for he wants to here your voice. He wants to help. come unto God as a rose opens up unto the sun. Bloom. always know "that your worth is far above rubies."
ReplyDeleteSar i love you! you always know what to say. you are amazing and i love you you are so brilliant and a virtuious young woman i love you!
ReplyDeleteOk Miss Kelsie,
ReplyDeleteSo you had a meltdown. That's ok. You have looked at the things you hate in your life. That's ok too. Now I want to see a list of the things that are good in your life. I know that you have many blessings in your life. Your family does not hate you. It is just sometimes we treat the people we love the most the worst. You just like us because you don't live with us. Plus I would have to wallup you if you talked to me the way you talk to your mom. You need to give her a break. She loves you so much and tries so hard to make you happy. Our parents are not perfect. We need to forgive them for their mistakes. I hope my kids don't blame me for everything I do wrong. One day you are going to be a mom. Despite all you try, you are going to make mistakes. In showing forgiveness to others, you are teaching your kids to forgive you. You are right. Life isn't fair. I am deffinately feeling that right now, but I refuse to let negativity take over my life. So, miss Kelsie, lets look at the things you hate as things that are molding you and making you a better person. Things you can learn from. You need to start seeing the Kelsie we see. The sweet, beautiful, funny, kind, smart girl that has unlimited potential. So there you go. That is my two cents on that. You know I love you. You stinker!